Some Things Never Change

Do you ever notice that we never really grow out of our society enforced insecurities? When we grow up we think that we won’t care what others think and we’ll finally be able to be who we want to be. Wrong. As we grow into adults there are more and more pressures upon us to be a certain way. If you don’t fit into these molds, Lord help you. Then the trickiest part of all happens… You fall into one of these molds, but you’re still not accepted by the other people in these molds. What now?

I’ve spent most of my adult life now trying to find which mold I belong to. I’ve never quite fit in anywhere really and when I feel that I finally do it’s made very clear that I don’t and never really did. I would change who I was a little bit each time thinking it would help. If I changed to the mold, they would have to accept me, right? So I would just try again, and again… and again. Until I decided that I don’t care. I’m tired of trying to fit into a specific group. Why can’t I just be who I am and not what society thinks I should be? That makes sense, right? I was starting to forget who I was to begin with. When I was a teenager I didn’t care about all of this mold nonsense.

So I started to think about how I was in high school. I thought about my attitude towards fashion and how I wore what I wanted. I didn’t follow the “do’s and don’ts” of fashion. I didn’t care what prints were in and what colors we should wear this season. If I like my clothes, why should I only wear them when they’re popular to other people? Isn’t the point of wearing something, because you like it not because the rest of the world is wearing it too?

Honestly, I have some short and skinny girl problems. I have longer legs and a shorter torso. I have a larger chest for being so skinny. Now I have larger hips and a larger butt from having my two kids. My shoulders are kind of broad, so I don’t look good in strapless or spaghetti strap items. I find that finding clothes in today’s women’s fashion make me look like a saggy chested box. So I decided that to ditch the mold of the “adult mom look” and went back to my old clothes. They fit. I know this. I don’t look frumpy. Everything shows off my figure appropriately. Most importantly I feel comfortable in my own skin. I’m not trying to fit in. I’m just being me.

I’m done fighting to find my mold. I’m creating my own. I’m done worrying about the little things that we’ve been told to worry about. I don’t care if “this outfit makes me look fat” or if “this color is in season,” or if hair style is on point. I just don’t care anymore. I don’t need to wear make up to feel good about myself. I’m not going to worry about if people think I look pregnant, because I don’t have time to workout with two little ones running around. I don’t care about it, so why should I care what others think? They don’t have to live in my skin. I do. All that matters is if I’m comfortable. It took me a long time to figure that out. I’m not sure how I lost that information to begin with. I’m never going to be super confident, but I will learn to love myself more and more. At the end of the day that’s all that matters. I like who I am and if other people want to be around me they will like me for me too.

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